My Journey: From SEX worker to Intimacy Coaching

How’d I get started working in the sex work, intimacy coaching, therapy world?

Well, it all starts with how I met Molly. 

It’s 2014, I’m 24 studying my bachelors degree in political science.

Molly and I studied political science together.

She was a feminist, vegan, and part of many different feminist organizations around school.

Aka, Molly was the fucking coolest. 

One evening, we were having dinner when she starting telling me about her recent business venture. 

However, this had nothing to do with politics, international diplomacy, or feminism. 

She put her profile up on this website and received requests from men wanting to take her out, buy her presents and give her money to be with her. 

Anybody ever heard of seekingarrangements?

Yep, that’s the one. 

She was… a sugar baby. 

My eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, totally enamored by the prospect of being wined, dined and getting PAID.

There wasn’t a bone in my body that felt like it could be a dangerous or bad idea.

Not to mention, Molly was a super cool social justice advocate… so naturally I trusted her intelligent feminist judgement. 

When she mentioned she also has sex with these men, I brushed it off like it was no big deal. 

I was already sleeping around… and not getting paid for it.

This was the best of both worlds. 

I rushed home straight to my computer to make a profile. 

But hold on… I needed a fun, catchy alias. What was I going to choose?

That’s when it hit me.

I already had the perfect name. 

By day, I was a fairy princess at kids’ birthday parties. 

Dressed up in all the glitter, jewels, big tulle skirts and fairy wings.

Serenaded children with animal balloons, face paint, singing and dancing.

I created the party, the happy birthday merriment for all to enjoy.

My fairy name, you ask?

Fairy Sunflower.

It was the perfect alias for seekingarrangements!

By day, I was the good little Fairy Sunflower who brings happiness and joy to children.

And by night?

Fairy Sunflower gets to let her hair down, be the bad little fairy with all her fairy vices. 

Ahhh, the duality. 

She gets to whisk off into the shadows of the underworld, and open her legs to strangers.

And you wanna know the best part of it?

Being a sex worker was my little secret. 

Only two people knew about this underworld fairy venture of mine. 

Molly… and my mom. 

Telling my mom is a whole other story, for a different blog post. 

Stay tuned, that’s a juicy one. 

For years, this was my little secret. 

I figured it was better to keep my mouth shut than be judged by my girlfriends.

Heaven forbid my dad would ever find out. 

He had a pretty strict Catholic upbringing; I wouldn’t dare share with him my newest business venture.

So I kept my mouth shut and smiled on the inside. 

After a few years, it no longer felt like keeping it a secret was fun and juicy. 

Rather, the juiciness turned into a heavy pile of bricks on my shoulders and a lump in my throat that wouldn’t budge. 

All I wanted to do was tell my friends and be honest. 

I yearned to tell others about my hilarious stories, the wild adventures I’d gotten myself into…

…and work through some of the more traumatic experiences with some of my nearest and dearest.

However, the idea of being honest and getting judged, or worse, ostracized was what kept my legs open and my mouth shut about it.

Now, I know I’m not the only one who has kept secrets in order to be included. 

Scared to be ostracized for being different.

Not to mention, people literally got burnt at the stake just a few generations ago for…

…all kinds of things that weren’t considered normal. 

So I get it. 

Those memories are in our bodies. 

As for myself, it took me years to come clean about my life as the other Fairy Sunflower. 

But once I did, the heaviness and lump in my throat was gone. 

My body went from feeling totally constricted and terrified to…

…liberated, walking on white fluffy clouds and smiling bigger than I’ve ever smiled before. 

As the saying goes, 

“The truth will set you free”.

The amazing thing was, once I started being more open and honest about my own history, people started telling me theirs.

I became a permission slip for others to come forward and tell me their deepest, darkest secrets. 

Secrets they’ve been scared to be judged and ostracized for.

Now in my intimacy coaching practice, it has been an honor to hold that space for people, to be the safety net for them to relinquish the lump in their throat. 

This is my offering to you, as you read this. 

If there’s been a lump in your throat about something that’s happened in the past…

…tell someone about it. 

Let it off your chest and open yourself up to being seen. 

Ready to release and reconnect? Reach out to me and take the first step towards embracing your truth and reconnecting with yourself and others.