You Are the Love of Your Life: Embracing Self-Responsibility for Intimacy

As an intimacy coach, I invite you to embark on a journey of self-discovery and empowerment, where you become the love of your life and uncover the true source of intimacy within yourself. Think of it this way…

You are the love of your life

For better, for worse

In sickness, in health

For richer or poorer

To love and to cherish

Till death do you part

For now and forever…

————————————————————

Imagine you’re my intimacy coach client.

You come to me because you’re in a tumultuous relationship that’s gotten more and more distant as time goes by. You ask me questions like, “We’re in a rut. How can I spice it up in the bedroom?” “How do I get him to be more vulnerable?” “Why doesn’t she want to have sex anymore?”

Although these are questions you’re asking, they’re not the best questions to ask in my opinion. Especially if you’d like to get to the root of what’s really going on. And what’s really going on is it’s got nothing to do with your partner’s behavior and has everything to do with yours. They’re not the ones who have come to see me, you are.

So then, what’s my usual response? I’ll point the fingers straight back at you. And by that I mean, I invite you to stop looking at your partner and seeing all the things they’re not doing, could be doing, haven’t done in a while in your relationship. It’s time to take responsibility and own your part in this too.

Get the mirror out and take a good look. When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Do you accept who is looking back at you, fully and completely? If there are aspects of you you’re not accepting right now, my guarantee is that it’s showing up in your relationship.

How this might play out in intimacy:

Maybe you’ve been overcompensating with your partner, you’ve been pouring into them when your own cup isn’t even halfway full. Or perhaps you’ve been avoiding what’s going on, is there anything about you that you’ve also been avoiding? Let your partner handle themselves and let’s put attention on you and your needs. Not what your partner can give you, but how can you give what you need to yourself? How can you make yourself your first, foremost, and forever lovership. Fall head over heals in love with you… …again. Or maybe, for the first time in your life.

When you treat yourself like you’re the love of your life, the mirror of your own reality starts to reflect differently. You no longer need someone else outside of you to show up in a specific way, there’s more spaciousness for you to love them exactly as they are. Because you’re accepting yourself exactly as you are.

This practice requires you to drop the victim game and get on the self responsibility train. You’re responsible for your happiness. Happiness, joy, pleasure, love. It’s your responsibility, nobody else’s.

What if you woke up in the morning and made a promise to yourself… …a promise that…

…you would be…

…the love of your life.

How different might your day be? Would you act differently towards yourself, towards others? How would you look at yourself in the mirror?

No better time than to start now.