The Key to Sexual Pleasure: Embracing the Power of Slowing Down

Let’s keep the conversation going about sexual pleasure and how to have multiple orgasms. Imagine two people are making love in a cabin in the woods for their anniversary. Candles all over the room, rose petals set up in a way to signify the path from the door to the bed, relaxing music playing in the background when all of a sudden…

…a bear comes into the room. GASP!

Unless you have a very specific kink which relates to a bear invasion in a cabin in the woods, your arousal would turn off, right?

Your body would instantly go into one of the fab three - fight, flight, or freeze. Your body is responding to fear, you need to save yourself from the danger that’s right in front of you.

Your body is no longer safe to feel sexual pleasure in that moment.

Now, I know this is a super far fetched example, but let’s break this down a bit more.

When you think about your life, do you live in a perpetual state of feeling unsafe in your body?

When I say feeling unsafe, I’m also alluding to stress, anxiety, and worry levels you engage with throughout the day.

Stress, anxiety, and worry are the most prominent reasons as to why my clients can’t get an erection, stay wet, or have multiple, full bodied orgasms.

Stress, anxiety, and worry are fear based programs lodged inside the human body. It’s become normalized to have anxiety, which is totally fucked up.

It’s like you’re living your life thinking a bear is about to attack you at any moment.

Where’s the orgasmic energy in that scenario? Orgasmic energy has no space to live there.

It’s also the absolute opposite of what your body needs in order to experience fuller sensations of sexual pleasure.

You want to have more pleasure, have full bodied multiple orgasms, and simultaneously are riddled with anxiety throughout the day. Once you get into the bedroom, you expect your body to show up in all this juiciness when it’s been sucked dry.

If we’re made up of mostly water and you’re sucking yourself dry with stress, anxiety and worry…

…there’s nowhere for the orgasmic energy to flow. It’s stagnant and totally fucking exhausted.

For some of you, once you’re having sex, you get caught up in the excitement and rush to the finish line.

That’s not the approach if you're looking to have fuller multiple orgasms.

The approach is to give your body times throughout the day to recalibrate to a feeling of safety.

My advice is this: SLOW THE FUCK DOWN.

Not just in the bedroom, everywhere. In your relationships with friends, family, business, intimacy…

…the way you eat food, take a shower, brush your teeth…

…take a beat and slow down. Give your nervous system a moment to recalibrate to feeling safe.

For some of you, this might be difficult. But I implore you, it’s the only way through.

You simply cannot experience the fullest amount of pleasure when the body is riddled in fear.

The body MUST, I mean MUST feel safe in order for it to feel more pleasure.

What you can start to do daily to enhance your sexual pleasure:

• Right when you wake up, don’t have your phone be the first thing you look at. If you have the ability to go outside, go outside and feel the fresh air. If that’s not available to you, take a couple moments to stay in bed and stare at the ceiling. Breathe. Give your body the ability to wake up without taking in any stimulation from electronics.

• Somewhere in the middle of the day, take a couple minutes to yourself without your phone or any outside stimulation. Even if it’s only 3 minutes, put an alarm on for 3 minutes and be with yourself.

• At night, don’t have your phone be the last thing you look at before closing your eyes (sense a theme here?). Take a couple moments to reflect on your day, breathe 10 deep breaths before going into dreamland.

Achieving multiple orgasms and boosting your sexual pleasure requires more than just using techniques in the bedroom. It necessitates creating an environment of safety and calm within your body. The presence of stress, anxiety, and worry acts as fear-based programs that hinder the flow of orgasmic energy. By consciously slowing down and giving your nervous system moments to recalibrate to a feeling of safety throughout the day, you can enhance your ability to experience fuller sensations of pleasure. Disconnecting from electronic stimuli, taking moments of solitude, and practicing mindful breathing are simple yet powerful steps to cultivate a sense of safety within yourself. Remember, sexual pleasure flourishes when the body feels secure, and by prioritizing your well-being and creating moments of stillness, you pave the way for a more orgasmic and fulfilling life.